So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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