one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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