We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
