U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
sex in a hospital.. check
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
