Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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