Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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