The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
