Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
