I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize