We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize