never play flip cup with pint glasses
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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