goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
