I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
