Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
