Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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