Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
