Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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