Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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