she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
