are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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