Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I smell stomach acid.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
