Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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