i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
