Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
