I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
