false alarm. still invincible.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
