two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Randomize
