Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He shit in the fireplace
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