dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
someone owes me an orgasm
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
