I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
