I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
