forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
