Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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