on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
