Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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