i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
