Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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