Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
