The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
