My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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