where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
