I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
