Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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