She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
