where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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