I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
