i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
