We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
