i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
