This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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