is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
