no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
