Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
