I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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