I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
