Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
