i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
