Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
