Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
