Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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