just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
