I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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