he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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