took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize