After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
