babies were throwing up all over the place
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
