So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
