i think i have herpe
just one?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
