That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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