I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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